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First Things First
“First Things First”
by Bernie Schock; Parent Seminar Presenter
by Bernie Schock; Parent Seminar Presenter
Many parents today are overly committed to parenting. Yes, you read that accurately : Many Christian parents are too focused on their role as parents. Let me explain.
Deuteronomy 6 is one of the foundational passages that teaches parents how to pass on a living faith to their children. God instructs parents to: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Parents, if you are serious about your children learning how to love God, then loving God must be the priority of your life. This implies, then, that your relationship with God takes precedence over your relationship with your children.
But many parents complain that after cooking meals, chauffeuring kids, cleaning their homes, maintaining a yard, running errands, attending children’s activities, etc., etc., they don’t have the time or energy for individual time with God. But many of these tasks are unnecessary—and some are harmful. Children want and need a growing independence from their parents. If parents do too much for their kids, they will stunt their growth.
So where should we cut back what we do for our children? First, we should include ALL family members in the upkeep of a household. Psychologist John Rosemond has said that when he speaks to groups of parents he asks them a question: “Raise your hand if you had chores when you were a child?” Almost all of them raise a hand. But then he asks: “Raise your hand if you require your kids to do regular chores?” And only a few raise a hand. Please, for your children’s sake, don’t treat them like privileged house guests. When our boys were growing up, they would occasionally complain about their household responsibilities: “Why do we have to weed the garden and do our own laundry? Our friends aren’t their parents’ slaves!” To those complaints we would calmly (most of the time!) answer: “Family life is a joint effort. If you don’t help out then some other member of this family will be unfairly burdened.”
Here are some other ways you can trim what you do for your children so that you can put more focus on your walk with God:
· You aren’t abusing your child if you make him ride his bike to soccer practice—the added exercise will be good for him.
· You don’t need to help your child with her homework every night—she needs to learn how to manage her own learning.
· You don’t need to play with your child every time he asks you—he needs to learn how to use his own imagination and initiative. And if your child complains about being bored, tell him that is his problem—you aren’t his recreation director!
· You don’t need to attend all of your child’s athletic contests—you will communicate the priority of a walk with God by occasionally telling your child that you need some time with God.
The sacrificial, “wall-to-wall” parenting that many parents have adopted may feel good, but it may not do good. If you cut back what you do for your kids, they will benefit by learning how to care for themselves. You will benefit by having more time to pursue your relationship with God.
